Yo Mama - Cigarette

Yo mama so poor when I went into her house and stepped on a cigarette, she said, "Who turned off the heater?"

Seizures

I've been suffering a lot of seizures recently...
...so far they've taken my house, my car and my boat.

Mastering Checking

Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said. "Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"