Emergency Rooms News

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news." "Tell me the bad news" says the man. "Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off." "Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hell is the good news?" "The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."

Hundred Dollar Tattoo

This guy goes into a tattoo shop and requests to have a $100 dollar bill tattooed on his dick. "Why do you want that permanently on your penis?" asks the tattoo artist. "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and this way my wife can blow a hundred bucks without leaving the house."

Pack Your Bags, I Won the Lottery

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!!"  She says "Oh wonderful, should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"  He replies, "I don't care...Just get the heck out!!"