Trying to Pay Bar Tab

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

Make a Hormone

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Easy -- don't pay her.

Emergency Rooms News

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news." "Tell me the bad news" says the man. "Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off." "Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hell is the good news?" "The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."