Little Johnny Learns Definitely

A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word 'definitely.' So she thought if they each got up and used it in a sentence, they would understand it better. So one student gets up and says,"The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "That's not always true because clouds can make it look gray." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says,"But it can look yellow if you don't water it." Then Little Johnny asks the teacher," Are there lumps in farts?" The teacher replies, "Excuse me?" Little Johnny repeats, "Are there lumps in farts?" Then the teacher says,"That isn't even a response to my question, but no there are no lumps in farts." Then he replies, "Then I definitely just sh*t my pants!"

One Day

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.

Beautiful

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is 'beautiful.' Little Sally, would you please come up here and use 'beautiful' in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnny walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"