Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.
No fee,
Chen Lee

Comparing Sizes

Q: There is a white boy, a Mexican boy, and a black boy who are all in the fifth grade. Who has the biggest Johnson?
A: The black boy, because he's 18.

Never Racist

I will never be a racist.
Because racism is a crime and crime is for black people.