Top 10 Reasons to Send Kids to School

The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School

1. To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.
2. To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald's manager uses daily.
3. No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.
4. After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.
5. So someone else can deal with the psychotic little shits.
6. Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.
7. Easier to run escort service out of home when they're not around.
8. To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect English to the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!
9. To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M.Lewinsky only!). 
10. To let teachers help with the parenting!

Tomato Soup

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.

Need a Hotel Room

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man. The Englishman went into a hotel and asked for a room. The hotel lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." So, the Englishman went into the room, and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Englishman got scared and ran out the room screaming. Then an Irishman asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Irishman went in and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Irishman ran out the room screaming. Then the Scottish man came into the hotel and asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Scottish man heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off, then I'm gonna bite your legs off." So, the Scottish man turned on the light and saw... a kid eating gummy bears in the corner.