Boy or Girl

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?" The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!" "How can you tell?" asks girl baby. "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See..... blue booties"

Top 10 Reasons to Send Kids to School

The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School

1. To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.
2. To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald's manager uses daily.
3. No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.
4. After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.
5. So someone else can deal with the psychotic little shits.
6. Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.
7. Easier to run escort service out of home when they're not around.
8. To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect English to the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!
9. To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M.Lewinsky only!). 
10. To let teachers help with the parenting!

Tomato Soup

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.