Poisonous Snake Family

A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."

Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

First Day of School

A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked him to be quick.
Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted. The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram of where he should go and asked him if he would be able to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way.
Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.
The teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?"
Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards"