My Dad's a Lawyer

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.

Father to Blonde Daughter

Q: What did the father say to his blonde daughter?
A: ''If you're not in bed by 11, come home.''

Family Vocabulary Lesson

A little boy came home from school one day and told his mother, ''Mom, today I heard some older kids using some words I don't know the meaning of. Can you tell me what they mean?'' ''Sure,'' his mother said. ''Just tell me what they are.'' The little boy replied, ''Pussy and bitch.'' His mother said, ''No problem. A pussy is a cat, like the neighbor's Tabby, and a bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy.'' The boy thanked his mother, and then went out to the garage, where his father was working. ''Dad,'' he began, ''today I heard some kids using some words that I don't know the meaning of. I asked Mom, but I don't think that she gave me the right answer. Can you help me?'' ''Sure,'' his father replied. ''What are the words?'' ''Pussy and bitch,'' the boy replied. His father said, ''I thought I told you anytime you have a question like that, you were supposed to ask me, and not your mother, because she can't handle it.'' With that, he reached up on a shelf and pulled down an edition of Playboy magazine, and a magic marker. He then took the marker, and drew a circle around the woman's genital area. ''Son,'' he began, ''everything inside this circle is a pussy.'' ''Okay,'' his son said, ''but what is a bitch?'' His father said, ''Everything outside this circle.''