The good, bad, and ugly!

• Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
• Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
• Ugly: You're in them

• Good: Your husband understands fashion
• Bad: He's a cross-dresser
• Ugly: He looks better than you

• Good: Your son's finally maturing
• Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
• Ugly: So are you

• Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
• Bad: She keeps interrupting
• Ugly: With corrections

• Good: Your wife's not talking to you
• Bad: She wants a divorce
• Ugly: She's a lawyer

• Good: The postman's early
• Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
• Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

• Good: Your daughter got a new job
• Bad: As a hooker
• Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
• Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

• Good: You're son is dating someone new
• Bad: It's another man
• Ugly: He's you're best friend

• Good: You're wife is pregnant
• Bad: It's triplets
• Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Small Boy In A Thunderstorm

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

Road Lessons

While on a trip with the family, I thought it would be good to teach my 5 year old daughter some things. As we past a sign I told her that is the name of the town for the next exit. As we past the exit I told her how we were passing the town. A few exits later she noticed the sign for gas. As we passed the exit, much to her delight, she informed us we were passing gas.