Mom's Thanksgiving Brownie Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Charlie "no, no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Charlie and clean floor.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Charlie again and wash the cat's tail.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Charlie and assure 911 operator the call was a mistake.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Charlie.
Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn.
Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.
Frosting:  Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar1 oz unsweetened chocolate1/4 cup margarine.
Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% oven and throw it away -- far away.
Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman who was responding to the earlier 911 call that you didn't know Charlie had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street.
Put Charlie in playpen.
Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.
Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Charlie having knocked down their holiday display.  Promise to pay for broken lights and ornaments.
Tie Charlie to clothesline.
Remove burned brownies from oven.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Like Mother Like Daughter

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill." The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?" The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

Exactly My Point

Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."