Dirty Words

One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him, "coats and jackets".
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking" and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".
Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".
Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over. Timmy answered the door with glee and says..."Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

Missy in Heat

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take Missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that Missy was in heat. Angela asked,  "What is heat?" Mom said, "Go ask your Dad, he's outside working on the car." Angela goes outside and ask her Dad the same question. Dad says, "Go get the leash and bring her here." She goes and gets Missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swipes her bottom with it.  "Now you can take her around the block one time." Angela goes down the street and comes back with the leash and no Missy. Dad says "Where is Missy?"  Angela said,  "Missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street."

Make Him Happy

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy". The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."
"I know how to fuck...Mother,  the bride-to-be interrupted, "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!"