Where Do You Live?

A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and...   "Where does mommy live?" "Minneapolis." "Where does grandma live?" "Baltimore." "Where does grandpa live?" "Baltimore." "And where does daddy live?" "At work!" Needless to say, he took the morning off that next day.

Muslim Grandfather

A Muslim family was considering putting their grandfather Mohammed in a nursing home. All the Muslim facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Christian home. After a few weeks in the Christian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. "How do you like it here?" asked the grandson" It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa. We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents," Mohammed said with a big smile." There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor. There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor. And me. I haven't had sex for 45 years, and they still call me The Fucking Muslim.

Your Son is a Chicken

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."