Vasectomy Solutions

I got a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.

Turn up the Heat

Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.

Mommy Mommy Cannibal

• Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf.
• Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.
• Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts. Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.
• Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
• Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child? Shut up and pass me the crowbar.