Santa Rewind

Q: What goes "oh oh oh"?
A: Santa walking backwards.

Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

Reindeer In A Bar

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a deer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoof-full of change and said, "Hmmmp. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."