Hot Dates

Two blondes were discussing last-minute sexy costume ideas. Both had on little black dresses and stilettos but were looking for a creative accessory to spice up their outfits. With limited time and options, the blondes cooked some eggs and put them on hats to be "so hot you can fry an egg on us". A few hours later at the party the blondes are getting a lot of attention. A guy says to his buddies, "hey look! Eggs over easy!"

Invitation

A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day. The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out." He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, "I'll handle this." She calls Florida and says to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We?'ll be there Wednesday night." The father agrees, "All right." The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?"

Valentine Sex

As an easy way to save money, a young couple decided that every time they have sex the husband would put his pocket change into a piggy bank on the nightstand. On Valentine's night, he was unusually athletic and accidentally knocked the piggy bank off the table and it broke into pieces on the floor.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten and even twenty dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the paper money?", to his wife which replied, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."