Diamond for Christmas

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

Sick of the Holidays

Signs You're Sick of the Holidays

1. You've got red and green bags under your eyes
2. You're serving reindeer pot pie
3. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"
4. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun
5. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.
6. Instead of spending time with family, you're watching some guy make photo copies
7. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears
8. Two words: tinsel rash

Japanese Favorite Holiday

Q: What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.