Thanks For Nothing Santa

December 26, 2013
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH!
Sincerely,
 
Little Johnny

Special Summer Sale

A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.

What Costume?

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as. The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?  "Nah...they were white, her husband replied.  "Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?"  "No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!"  So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.  So he thinks a bit and then pops up, " I got it! .We'll go as Heshey Bars!"  "Heshey bars?", replies his wife,"are you nuts!"  "Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!"