Gooey Stuff

Q: What's yellow and gooey and smells like bananas?
A: Monkey snot.

I've Changed My Mind

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes?" She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!" "No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

Jones is Checking Out of a Hotel

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied. He runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, "Dear Mr. Jones, All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"