Beach Genie

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?" The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish." And I said, "No shit."

Spinster's Wishes

The old spinster was rocking on her front porch with her tomcat at her feet, when a good fairy suddenly appeared before her and offered her three wishes.
"Aw, go on," the little old lady said in disbelief, "if you can grant three wishes, let's see you turn this rocking chair into a pile of gold?"
The good fairy waved her hand, and "pouf", the rocking chair turned into a pile of pure gold. Her face lighting up, the lady said "I really get two more wishes?"
"Yes", the good fairy assured her. "Anything your heart desires."
"Then make me into a beautiful, voluptuous young woman." Another wave of her hand, and the wish was granted."
Finally, make my faithful old cat into a tall, dark and handsome young man."
The good fairy waved her hand and disappeared as the third wish came true, and a handsome muscular young man stood where the tomcat had just been sleeping. The young man approached the once-old lady, took her in his arms and murmured... "Now, aren't you sorry you sent me to the vet?"

Magic Mirror

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I am the thinnest person in the world", and poof!  The mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror, "I think I am the prettiest person in the world", and poof!  The mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said, "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.