Union Girls

A union leader goes to Las Vegas and checks out the brothels. In the first one he asks if the girls belong to a union. “No,” replies the madame. “And what cut do the girls get?” asks the leader. “They take 20 percent,” replies the madame. Offended by this unfairness, the union leader goes to a second brothel and asks the same questions. Here he finds that the girls do belong to a union and get to keep 80 percent of their takings. “That’s better,” says the union leader. “I’d like to have the beautiful young redhead in the corner.” “Sure you would,” says the madame, beckoning to an old fat blonde. “But Ethel here has seniority.”

Chinese Proverbs

• Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
• Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
• Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
• War not determine who right, war determine who left.
• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
• It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
• Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
• Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
• Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
• Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
• Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.

I Remember You

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”