Did You Hear

Person 1: Did you hear about the fool you keeps going around saying "no"?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: Oh, so it's you!

Hereditary

Insanity is hereditary. You can get it from your children.

Constant Diet

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck