Bumper Stickers

 EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.
 If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
 No, I don't have a license to kill; it's just a learners permit.
 Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect.
 Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Taxation WITH representation Ain't so hot, either!
 White water... It's all over when the First Lady sings.
 Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Weights

What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

Ponderings Collection 14

• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
• After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
• This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulance or a firetruck.
• I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
• The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.
• I really feel sorry for Madonna's baby, having to grow without a last name.
• Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?
• The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.