Happy Birthdead

Q: What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A: A dead puppy!

You Might Be A Bad Customer If:

• You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
• You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.
• You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
• You return the coffee because it's too hot.
• You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
• You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.
• You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.
• If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20.
• You think the "pre-pay" sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
• You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.
• You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong.
• While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?"
• You dare ask for a discount at a restauraunt because your kids didn't like their food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor.
• You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.
• You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)

The Case of the Smoked Cigar

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued... and won. In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested ... on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.