Never Again

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

Meet the Family

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight.
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.
This should be an interesting night.

Weights and Measures

Science Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyrone: Umm, depends on what you need.