Stressed Out, Try These!

If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it...
Dance naked in front of your pets.
Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)
Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Find out what a frog in a blender "really" looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)
Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. ("Don't knock it until you try it!")
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11's!)
Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper.
NOTES and DISCLAIMERS: If you are less than 18 years of age: always seek your parent's approval before attempting any of the above. (Exemption: If the hamster bites you again, nuke him till he glows!) If you are 18 years of age or older and even think about doing any of these: proceed to the nearest telephone book directory. Look up "clinical psychologist"... drive directly to the first one that accepts "walk-ins!"

New Tribe

An explorer is telling his friends about a new tribe he’s discovered in Africa – the Fukawe. “They’re pygmies,” explains the explorer. “But unlike most pygmies, who live in the forests , these fellows live in the tall grasses of the plains.” “And what does the name of the tribe mean?” asks one of his friends. “I’m not sure,” replies the explorer. “But when I found them wandering through the six-foot grass virtually the first thing they said to me was, “We’re the Fukawe.”’

A Girl Praying and Bathing

A girl praying in the church has hope in her soul...A girl bathing has soap in her hole!!!