Gangster Answering Machine

Yo. I ain't here right now. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back... (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells delightful!

Hail

Q: What is hail?
A: Hard boiled rain!

Finals Prayer

Now I lay me down to study, I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the Lord I will not flunk. But if I do, don't pity me at all, just lay my bones in the study hall. Tell my prof I did my best, then pile my books upon my chest. Now I lay me down to rest and pray I'll pass tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I'll have to take.