Great Reasons To Be A Guy

• Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your orgasms are real. Always.
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be president.
• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Foreplay is optional.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
• The world is your urinal.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work.. more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• Wedding Dress $2000 Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said..
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
• Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or irreparably mangle your feet.
• Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

How Does It Smell

Q: My elephants got no trunk! How does it smell?
A: Terrible!

Parrot

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars". "Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well  the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs $2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"