Crazy

My friend thinks he is an aquatic bird.
Loon.

Public Speaking

Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it. You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get. Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion. Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it with a short one. You've been a wonderful audience... you stayed.

Say Again

I love my wife, but if she ever lost her hearing I'd have to leave her.
Till deaf us do part.