Predictive Text

The guy who invented predictive text died last night.
His funfair is next monkey.

Porkpie

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?" The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday." The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

Midget Psychic

Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.