Impressive Jobs

When I'm trying to impress a girl, I tell her I work in the oil business for one of the world's biggest companies.
Sounds better than "I make the fries at McDonalds"

On Time

My grandad lost a lung during the war.
That's why he was fired from his medical courier job.

Oregon Crazy Law

• Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
• Looking for more dumb laws?
• Dishes must drip dry.
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
• You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
• The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can access is what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
• One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
• Beaverton- You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm.
• Eugene- It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
• It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays.
• (Repealed in the 1970s) Hood River Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
• Klamath Falls- It's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snakes head off with your cane.
• Portland- People may not whistle underwater.
• It's against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink.
• (Repealed in 1989) You cannot wear roller skates in restrooms.
• Marion- Ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
• Myrtle Creek- One may not box with a kangaroo.
• Salem- Women may not wrestle in Salem.
• Springfield- It is illegal to own a reptile within the city limits, unless you are a school or city, as a pet.
• Stanfield- No more than two people may share a single drink.
• Cloth towel dispensers are banned from restrooms.