Church Bulletin

I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages." Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell." Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.

Signs and Notices 16

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China."
• Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for $1.00. (limit 4)"
• On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk."
• Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!"
• Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!"
• Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."
• Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care
• Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did :)"

Create a Hallmark Moment!

Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:

• "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
• "I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."
• "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"
• "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
• "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
• "Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"
• "Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"
• "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
• "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."
• "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
• "The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!"