Soap Flakes

Person One: This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
Person Two: I bet you were mad.
Person One: Mad?
Person Two: I was foaming at the mouth!

Seymour Went to Heaven

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"

Top 15 Household Pet Dishes

1. Angelfish Cake
2. Hamster and Cheese on Rye
3. Chow Chow Mein
4. Bran Muffy
5. Eggs BenjiDict
6. Yorkie-shire pudding
7. Shih-Tzu Kabobs
8. Potbelly Pig in a Blanket
9. Shrimp Cockatiel
10. Fettuccine AlFido
11. Chicken Poodle Soup
12. Turtlellini
13. Lhasa Thermidor
14. Rex-Mex Enchihuahuas
15. I'll-Teach-You-to-Piss-On-My-Pillow Persian Pancakes