Father's Day Breakfast

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and says,''Try it dad.'' The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because it is so strong. The little boy asks, ''How do you like it Dad?'' The dad doesn't want to hurt the little boy's feelings so he says, ''This is... something else, I've never tasted coffee quite like this before, Son.'' The little boy smiles from ear to ear. And says, ''Drink some more Pops.'' As the dad is drinking, he notices two army men in the bottom of the cup, and says,''Hey! Why did you put army men in here?''
The little boy again smiles and sings,''The Best Part Of Waking Up, Is SOLDIERS In Your Cup.''

Soap Flakes

Person One: This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
Person Two: I bet you were mad.
Person One: Mad?
Person Two: I was foaming at the mouth!

Seymour Went to Heaven

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"