The Bowl of Chili

Well, there was this truck driver that had been driving all day and hadn't stopped for lunch or anything and he was getting REAL hungry.  He sees this diner and pulls in, walks up to the counter and sits down by this old biker who was staring at a steaming bowl of chili.  The waitress comes up and asks the trucker what he'll have and he looks at that chili and says, "Lady, I am starving and that chili looks good, I'll have that."  The waitress goes off and comes back with the trucker's steamy bowl of chili and  he promptly gulps down. Not satisfied yet, he looks over at the biker who is still staring at his chili. The trucker tells him, "hey, I'm still kind of hungry, if you're not gonna eat that, may I?".  So the biker slides the bowl of chili toward the trucker.
Well, the trucker takes his time with this bowl. He gets about half way down and there's this big greasy dog turd in the bowl. The trucker proceeds to barf everything back into the bowl and the biker says, "yep, that's as far as I got, too!"

Four for Dinner

Waiting for my three friends at a Spanish restaurant. The waiter has just asked if I want a drink. "Wine" I told him "Pour for four"

Ham Sandwich Perfection

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce, and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
''Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,'' she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, ''Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.''