Too Much Coffee

You know you drink too much coffee when...

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
3. You can jump-start your car without cables.
4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
5. You can't remember your second cup.
6. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
9. You don't sweat -- you percolate.
10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.

Coffee is better than Women.

Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have some. 
You won't get arrested for trying to buy coffee at 3 AM. 
Coffee never runs out. 
No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. 
When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
Coffee can be ready in 15 minutes or less.
White men can take black coffee home to their parents. 
Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream on it. 
You can always heat up coffee. 
Coffee smells and looks good in the morning. 
If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
Two words; INSTANT COFFEE !

Cheeseburger

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer." The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."