He Can't Hear

Q: What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
A: Anything you want as he can't hear you!

Positions

A young man takes his Chinese girlfriend on a date. After a night of drinking they go back to his place and end up in the bedroom. “What do you want to do?” asks the Chinese girl. “I’m up for anything.” “Okay,” replies the boyfriend. “What I’d really like is some 69.” “Oh forget it!” she replies, “I’m not cooking at this time of night!”

Old Man's Peanuts

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime. "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."