Give Him an Orange

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

Hard Egg

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?" the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."

Good Place To Eat

Have you ever walked up to a really fat person, and asked them for a good place to eat? Then when they look at you and say they don't know, you look at them, like, "You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we're going to be eating."