Making Coffee

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot.  You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

Pocket Spoons

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."

Casserole Recipe

John: "I didn't use a recipe for the casserole; I made it from scratch off the top of my head!"
Bob: "I thought I tasted dandruff."