On Inheritance

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

Career Change

"Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime." 
"Was it something I said?" Asks the son.

Childhood Dilemma

I feel sorry for the children of same-sex couples.
You either have to put up with twice the number of Dad jokes, or you're stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."