Cover up Gone Wrong

Peter buys a cheap vase for his mom’s birthday but accidentally smashes it before he can give it to her. He has an idea. He wraps the vase in gift wrap, puts it in a box and mails it to her – this way he’ll be able to blame the breakage on the postal service. His mom calls the next day, thanks him for the vase but tells him it arrived broken. “Oh dear,” says Peter. “That’s a pity.” “Yes, it is,” replies his mom. “But it was kind of you to wrap each piece individually.”

Roasted Daddy

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!
Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

Mom's Church

My mom was the kind that'd send us to church but didn't go... She'd give us scripture and didn't even know it. She just made up books. ''Cause in the Book of Ricky, it says you should give your mama five percent of your gross income.'