Childcare

When you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Tomato Soup

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.

Sideline Coach

A junior soccer team is playing a match one Sunday. Just before the kick-off the team coach approaches one of his young players. “Do you understand that you mustn’t swear at the ref if he gives you a card and you mustn’t attack an opponent if he fouls you?” “Yes,” replies the boy. “Good,” says the coach. “Now go and explain that to your mother.”