Marriage Advice And Quotes

• A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Guitry
• Ah Mozart! He was happily married, but his wife wasn't. - Borge
• Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie
• And I shall love thee still my dear, until my wife is wise.
• Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
• Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Tiger Woods In Bed

On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession. "I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby. The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers ...well maybe! Husband asks who it was. The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods. Since the only other person his new bride ever slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone."What are you doing?" asked his bride."I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!" The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband. Well we would do it again! "Okay!" says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy is pretty tired. So he drags himself out of bed and gets to the telephone. The wife says..you're not calling room service are you!!!! "NO, says the exhausted hubby" "Well who are you calling then, she asks. "I'm calling Tiger Woods...I want to see what par is for this hole!

Anniversary Present

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Benz. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the car, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her." The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."