Don't Take Chances

A man receives a letter informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also asks whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."

Close Your Eyes

Q: Why does a woman close her eyes when she's having sex ?
A: Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!

Victorias Secret Taboos

TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET
10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks, just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me?
3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!
And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:
1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!!!!!!