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Jokes about Families - Father Jokes
Your Mom is the Best in Town
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"
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Teaching Moment
A man is driving his five-year-old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douche bag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your daddy just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douche bag.”
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Irish Tradition
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Stroh’s, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope! By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push the stroller back home!
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