Bottom Start

Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.
Son: But I want to learn to swim?

Who Owns the Cows?

After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father’s activities and be introduced to his father’s clients as a clerk. His observations would help him decide whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this was a great idea and immediately helped to set it up. The first client the next morning was a tenant farmer--a rough man with calloused hands who was dressed in workman’s clothing. He said, "Mr. Lawyer, I work for the Gonzales farm on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised the cows, fed them and looked after them. And I was always given the understanding and the belief that I was the owner of these cows. Now Mr. Gonzales has died and his son has inherited the farm. He believes that since the cows were raised on his land and ate his hay, the cows are his. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows." The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!" The next client to come in, a young and well-dressed young man, was obviously a landowner. He said, "My name is Gonzales and I own a farm on the east side of town. We have a tenant farmer who has worked for my family for many years, tending crops and the animals, including some cows. I believe the cows belong to me because they were raised on my land and were fed my hay. But the tenant farmer believes they are his because he raised them and cared for them. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows." The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. Don't worry about the cows!" After the client left, the lawyer’s son could not help but express his concern. "Father, I know very little about the law, but it seems we have a very serious problem concerning these cows." "Don’t worry about the cows!" the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours!"

Give Me An Ear!

This man is waiting for his wife to deliver his first child. When the doctor comes out of the operating room, he comes up to him and asks to see his wife and baby.
Doctor: I have something to tell you... Your baby has got no legs...
Father: Oh... I guess it's still my son. Let me see it.
Doctor: He's got no arms either...
Father: That bad, uh? I have to see it!
Doctor: And he's got no trunk either... No head... Actually, it's only an ear...
Father: ... He's still my son, take me to him now.  Then they go in a sterile room where a nurse carries in a cradle with a huge ear in it.
Father: My son!!! Flesh of my flesh!!! Blood of my blood!!!
Doctor: Louder...he's deaf too!!!