American Worker's Response

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner reading the paper. He tells the waitress, "Please send Jesus a cup of coffee, on me." So the waitress takes Jesus a cup of coffee. Then an Arabic man with arthritis walks into the coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner. He says to the waitress "Send Jesus a muffin, on me." So the waitress sends Jesus a muffin. Finally an American man in a wheelchair rolls into the coffee shop and sees Jesus in the corner. He says to the waitress, "Tell Jesus I'll cover his bill." So the waitress tells Jesus. As Jesus was leaving the coffee house he says to the Irish man, "Thank you for the free coffee. Be healed!" Jesus touches the man's shoulder, and he was miraculously healed. Then Jesus went over to the Arabic man and said, "Thank you for the free muffin. Be healed!" Jesus lightly tapped the man's shoulder, and he was healed. Then jesus went over to the American man and said, "Thank you for covering my bill. Be healed!" As Jesus leaned over to touch him, the man yelled, "Don't touch me man! I'm on workers comp!!"

Scottish, English and Irish Wives

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish wife were all talking about how they never had enough money to go shopping. All of a sudden, the English wife had an idea.
"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!" Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it. When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with. When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card. The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had happened. "Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I bent over to show him I wasn't wearing any undies. But when he saw, he gave 40p to get a comb!"

Hired Workers

A building contractor hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies. The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks. The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"