Lost All of My Luggage

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out," said the Irishman.

Boyle Sat in a Belfast Confessional

Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I've blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!" "All right, my son," admonished the priest. "For penance, finish off the stations!"

Ireland Radio Contest

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air contest to see who could come up with the best word not in a dictionary that would still make sense in a sentence. One of the first callers used the word G-O-A-N, pronounced "go-an." "Okay, caller. How would you use this in a sentence?" "Go-an. Goan fuck yerself!" Concerned about it being a family show, the DJ quickly hung up on the man. After fielding a bunch more unsuccessful calls, another caller calls up with the word S-M-E-E, pronounced "smee." "Okay, caller. How would you use this in a sentence?" "Smee again. Goan fuck yerself!"