When God Created Canada

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"No, not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them!"

Jump Off Genie

A Polish man, a German guy, and an American dude, climb a mountain because they each want to make a wish from the genie on the top. When they make it to the top, they find the lamp and all rub it. The genie appears and says, "For your wish to be granted, you must yell it out while you are jumping off of this mountain." So the German jumps off and yells, "I wish to be a fighter plane!" "So be it," the genie says, and the German becomes a plane. The American jumps off and yells, "I wish to be an eagle!" "So be it," the genie says, and the American becomes an eagle and flies away. The Polish man runs to the edge, accidentally trips on a rock, and yells, "I wish to b- oh S**t!"

African Roulette

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette." The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American. "That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette." "Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."