Puerto Ricans

Q: What's the difference between a pizza pie and a Puerto Rican?
A: A pizza pie can feed a family of eight.

Gay Irishmen

Q: Have you heard about the two gay Irishmen?
A: Mike Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmike.

The Lawyer's Translation

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out.  "But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.  
Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.  "What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!'"