Genie's Slide

There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. One day they came across a ladder and climbed up it, as one does. At the top of the ladder there was a genie and she said: "As you go down this slide, shout out whatever you want to land in..." So the Englishman shouted "Beeeeeeer." The Scotsman shouts "Whisssskey." And the poor old Irishman shouted, "Weeeeeeeee!"

Slippers

Paddy broke his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin'?" Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed. He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"

Forecasting Genius

A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, "Tomorrow rain," and hobbled on. Sure enough it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, "Tomorrow sunshine." It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day. The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him and every day the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks the old man didn't show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, "Hey, we need your predictions, why aren't you showing up?" "Radio broken," the old man replied.