An American and an Irishman

An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight - an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion.
"You see that, I reckon," said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. "And now where would you be if the gallows had its due?"
"Riding alone," coolly replied Paddy.

Pollock Needs Condoms

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. We have some for 75 cents a piece. The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir." The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."

The Spanish Man and Mexican Woman

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says, "Mande?" and he says, "No Monday, today."